In case you can't place the name, Joseph Heller was the author of one of the greatest American novels ever written: Catch-22. I often revisit the novel and spend time with one of my favorite characters, who, strangely enough is unnamed except that he is know as the Father of the famous Major Major Major. And as those of you familiar with the novel also know, Major Major Major enlisted in the Army as a private and, in the infinite wisdom of the military, they immediately promoted him to the rank of ...Major.
But the Father is a more fascinating character to me; more so than Major Major Major Major because as Heller put it, mediocrity was "thrust" upon him but the Father was far more a master of his destiny. Read the following passages and see if the Father doesn't remind you of some people we all know.
Major Major's father was a sober God-fearing man whose idea of a good jok 
e was to lie about his age. He was a longlimbed farmer, a God-fearing, freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged individualist who held that federal aid to anyone but farmers was creeping socialism. He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down. His specialty was alfalfa, and he made a good thing out of not growing any. The government paid him well for every bushel of alfalfa he did not grow. The more alfalfa he did not grow, the more money the government gave him, and he spent every penny he didn't earn on new land to increase the amount of alfalfa he did not produce. Major Major's father worked without rest at not growing alfalfa. On long winter evenings he remained indoors and did not mend harness, and he sprang out of bed at the crack of noon every day just to make certain that the chores would not be done. He invested in land wisely and soon was not growing more alfalfa than any other man in the county. Neighbors sought him out for advice on all subjects, for he had made much money and was therefore wise. "As ye sow, so shall ye reap," he counseled one and all, and everyone said, "Amen.
Look at the themes Heller gives us in this short dissertation:
Freedom-loving, God-fearing,-Law Abiding, rugged individualist, creeping socialism, unearned(earned by not earning in Catch-22 tradition), wealth = wisdom, obedience to the words of wealth.
Just in case we missed the point, Heller added:
"The Lord gave us good farmers two strong hands so that we could take as much as we could grab with both of them," he preached with ardor on the courthouse steps or in front of the A & P as he waited for the bad-tempered gumchewing young cashier he was after to step outside and give him a nasty look. "If the Lord didn't want us to take as much as we could get," he preached, "He wouldn't have given us two good hands to take it with." And the others murmured, "Amen." Major Major's father had a Calvinist's faith in predestination and could perceive distinctly how everyone's misfortunes but his own were expressions of God's will.
For lack of a name provided by Heller, I'll just call our hero, "Father Major". Sit back and think for a minute. How many "Father Major"'s can you find among us?
Before I leave this post, I can't resist one last quote from Catch-22. This one describes Major Major Major himself and is one of my all-time favorites:
Major Major had been born too late and too mediocre. Some men are born mdiocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
Heller! You are magnificent!
